“Nowhere to go” for a decent coffee, Peers moan

We know that times are tough.

Austerity has swept across like the cold north wind, forcing budgets to be slashed and a number of countries to go seeking financial aid and bailouts from other single-currency nations. The past few years have been a time of a global economic crisis. The last thing the majority of people feel the need to complain about these days in the quality of their coffee, or food on the table. Some are just lucky to have it. 

British newspaper, The Independent, under a Freedom of Information request, has found out that a number of members of the (unelected) House of Lords have been raising up a stink about the quality of their taxpayer-funded in-house restaurant, claiming that the table-layouts are ‘chaotic’ and their cappuccinos have now become ‘inadequate’. We appreciate and value good coffee as much as the next connoisseur, but sometimes a sense of perspective is needed and in relation to a drink subsidised by the general population, we feel that this is one of those times. 

One peer claimed that he had been left ‘scarred’ after his dinner booking was cancelled at short notice – an inconvenience we can understand – but then went to state that he was ‘unable to lunch elsewhere’ due to his wife’s attire. As it turns out, she was wearing a tiara, and therefore unsuitably attired for other establishments. Thankfully, the ruffled and terrified Lord was rescued by a friendly peer who offered up ‘the use of his nearby home to change in’ and then promptly took them out for lunch. We remember a time when we were refused entry to a club for wearing trainers instead of shoes, it’s surely the same kind of situation.

Outrage was also to be found over the installation of a new coffee machine at the venue with one member of the House of Lords stated that this was ‘insulting’. The Lord followed up with a vitriolic statement about the new machine saying that even by parliamentary standards, it was an impressive manoeuvre and, (probably) foaming at the mouth at this point burst out that the decision makers ‘could not have calculated a move more likely to spread ill will’. It’s probably the worst thing that has happened to the upper chamber since Nick Clegg tried introducing that pesky Reform Bill in 2012.

If they want to know some places to go and have a brilliant cup of coffee then we can recommend a few. London has a thriving coffee scene and it would be a shame not to take advantage of what is on their doorstep. You could probably even reach a few within a couple of minutes if you hop on the tube. If.

In the past twelve months, complaints were levelled at the establishments over the quality of their subsidised smoked salmon, scallops and even the lack of Chilean wine. In response, one peer, utterly outraged at this, suggested that they get the director of the Chilean wine association down for a tasting session pronto.

Qu’ils mangent de la bouillon et laissez-les boire (moins cher) café instantané.